The Seat is Too Big

     Overdraft, the plumber, arrived yesterday.  He didn't want to be bothered by silly interruptions - like Edward's question, "Who are you?" when he opened the door.  Overdraft wanted to get right to that bathroom renovation.
     Soon, I heard my name.  "Where is the diverter?"  Overdraft asked. 
     "Damned if I know."
     After Overdraft explained exactly what I had purchased for the shower heads and why I needed this all important device, he pointed out that he doesn't do this work for a hobby, he is an actual plumber.  I yelled to Edward, "There's a plumber in the house!"  To which Edward responded, "Don't let him leave!"
     Unfortunately, the guy at Klaff's has neglected to sell me a diverter.
     No problem.  Overdraft has a matching one in his truck that he is able to sell for a mere 200% mark-up.
     Following our witty repartee, Overdraft returned to the bathroom where Debit was banging away.  He closed the door after which there was a flurry of Polish being spoken.
     I opened the door, "You know, Debit is my friend, and he is going to tell me what you said, after you leave.  Right, Debit?"  Though I am certain Debit had no real understanding of this statement, he nodded his head in agreement.  He's back on my team.
     Later, after Overdraft leaves with a partial payment and a promise to be back in two days once more work is completed, Debit asks me how big I want the seat in the shower. 
     Huh?  I'm expected to make such a monumental decision?
     I proceed to sit on everything in sight and measure, measure, measure.
     Debit and I come to a decision about the seat.  He builds it.  I do paperwork.  He calls Cash, the contractor.  Uh oh.
     Cash wants to speak with me.  I take the phone.  Cash is not there.  Cash is again on the line.  I say, "hello."  Nothing.  Cash calls back.  I say, "Cash, do not hang up on me again."  Nothing.  Cash is there.  "I didn't hang up, I'm in a bad cell area."  Nothing.  Cash is back on the line for good.  "The seat is too big."
      The seat is too big?
      "How the hell do you know?"
      "It's not like the one you had before." 
      Debit and I take turns sitting on it and having an overall zen experience with the seat. 
      "Go f---k yourself, Cash."
      And so ends Day number 5.