Barnie and Edward and the Other Woman

      Today is Sunday, and Debit, the major worker on our bathroom renovation, is living with his other family.  We did, however, abandon him yesterday for some fun in the city.
      For the wild, throw-caution-to-the-wind Edward and me, that entailed dinner and a movie. 
      At the movie theater, Edward asked for two tickets - one adult and one senior.  The total came to $22.50, which Edward double-checked with the cashier and then paid while grumbling to me about the high price. We then moved on to the concession stand where Edward ordered a coffee, and I commented that healthy treats like raisins and nuts were actually being sold in addition to the evil ones.  Edward responded, "It's not in the budget."
       I very sweetly and kindly offered Edward some important advice:
       "If I predecease you, and you're out on a date, I would recommend that you don't complain about the price of the movie tickets and that you offer your date whatever snack she wants without regard to price.  Furthermore, I don't think you should wear that knit hat - ever."
        We preceded to enter the theater, where the coming attractions had begun, and it was so dark that I literally had to feel my way along the seats for fear of falling.  This was an effective technique, as the theater was mostly empty, until I hit something - a woman's head.  I expressed my heartfelt apologies, which the woman was nice about accepting, and somehow we sat down.
        Then Edward announced he had to go to the bathroom.
        Would you go on a date with this man?
        So he crawled out of the theater and went back to the lobby.
        Knowing how difficult it would be for him to find his way back, I watched for Edward's return.  Despite my flailing my arms and yelling his name, Edward managed to take his seat next to some other woman.
        Was he "jumping the gun" so-to-speak and trying out dating just a little prematurely?
         I yelled his name again, which forced him to leave the other woman and crawl along, grabbing seats down the aisle toward a seat next to me.
         Then, the unthinkable happened.
         He hit the same woman I had clocked.  Only he gave her a really good whack.  It was so hard, her head popped forward.
         "Edward!" I said, "You hit the same woman I hit."
          "Well, she has a big head."
          Thankfully, just then, the movie started.  What was it, you ask?  "The Fighter," and it was very good.