Barnie at the Zoo: She's no Sloth

      Now, if you've been keeping up with this blog, and who doesn't, you know that a very important event occurred yesterday.  That's right.  Friday was the Royal Wedding, which ended in time for the Bronx Zoo's 5k Run for the Wild on Saturday, in which I was an enthusiastic participant.
      I bumped into Athena, a fellow runner, the Thursday before the race and she informed me that it was necessary to get to the zoo close to 7 a.m., when registration opened, or else risk starting the race -- which began at at 8:30 -- at the back of the pack.  So though I didn't want to wake at the ungodly hour of 5:45 a.m., I did so for the sake of penguins, for whom we were racing to raise money to save them from extinction.
      Though Edward had no plan of rising at that hour, the alarm blaring shocked me into consciousness and caused me to knock everything off the bedside table, thus creating chaos and commotion.  Edward had no choice but to get up and give me the sendoff I deserved.
      So after stopping at the local Dunkin' Donuts for a small coffee to go along with my toast (I really wanted a large but didn't want to have to pee), I was on my way.
      I think I arrived at 7:02, which I thought would gain me primo parking.  But, no!  Those few of us who arrived early were directed to a lot called Asia Parking which I think might really have been located in Asia, it was so far away from the start line.  In fact, trams were provided to transport us early idiots to the race because we really couldn't be expected to walk there for fear we might get lost, like in Australia, or completely tired out.
      Though I had trained, I was shaking with nerves since this was my first race, and I worried I might make an idiot of myself and end up on someone's You Tube video. I headed to the tent to pick up my race bib.  I was handed #3036, a lovely number I thought, and proceeded to place the bib over my breasts instead of over my abdomen as others were doing.  Why give yourself more girth in that area when you can always use a bigger, loftier chest?
       Then the lovely Athena showed up at approximately 7:41:32, after parking next to the zoo exit and adjacent to the tent giving out the bibs.  She denied that she said I had to be at the event at 7 (liar) and pointed out that my bib was in the wrong place.  Oh, all right!  I moved the damn bib.  Now I risked having a large stomach in someone's You Tube video.
       At about 7:46:48, the runners were told to head to the start line for a stretch and Zumba (vigorous Latin dance).  Who the hell wants to do Zumba now?  But being the game, easy-going person I never am, I headed that way, which turned out to be a good move because now I was at the front of a pack that turned out to be over 6,000 people, if you included those participating in the walk that began 15 minutes after the run.
       Jean-Claudia, who got me into this mess to begin with, arrived with her lovely fiance, Mike, and they somehow elbowed their way through the crowd to join us.  She put on her electric orange head scarf (how does she manage to look so cute in such a thing?) and we started to warm up.
       Which was a good thing.  Because it was really, really, really cold.  I had left my jacket in the car, figuring that my tank and long-sleeved shirt would be sufficient, but now I was wishing that the car was not a train ride away so I could retrieve the jacket.  We stretched, danced, stretched again, and I felt a little better.
        Until the speeches started and went on and on and on and on.
        I yelled, "I need to dance!"  I said this only because I wanted to stay warm, not because I was insane, but Mike looked at Jean-Claudia with an expression that clearly communicated I was not on the guest list for the wedding.
        Finally, the race started, and I felt a sudden surge of exhilaration and adrenaline.  So, apparently, did a lot of other people, and there was a lot of jockeying for position.  I worried that I might be tripped, and I'd make a spectacular fall in the first few steps of the race.
       Somehow, I stayed vertical and averted yet another You Tube moment.  I found my stride.  When practicing, I absolutely hate running the first mile, but I practically floated and smiled as I progressed.
       Around a bend, there was a bunch of photographers, and I moved slightly away from the pack so that if someone wanted to take my picture, it was easy to do so.  Yes, that's # 3036.  Hey, this blog doesn't have the word Narcissism in it for nothing, folks. 
       Around about the 2-mile mark, I noticed that someone was holding a board with the name of the winner written on it.  The fact that I had more than a mile to go and someone had already won the race who knows how long ago didn't bother me at all (I'm sure he is not as smart or as nice as me).
       At the 3-mile mark, there was a group of runners who had already finished the race on either side of the course, cheering us on to the finish.  One guy had his face painted.  I wondered if he ran the race, drank water and ate a bagel, stopped to have his face painted and then came back out to the end of the course to do his cheering.
      Just how long was I taking to run this damn thing?
      I came around the bend and saw the timer.  I crossed the finish line.  The timer said 29:44.  A personal best.  I was so excited, I was teary.
      Where's a You Tube video when you need one?