Sandals for the Neiman's Scholar

     I had to face it.  I could no longer be in denial.  Where is the merchandise aspect to this blog, I asked myself.  All but ignored, I had to admit.  Inexcusable.
     So I hauled my ample ass off to Neiman Marcus to do some anthropological research.

     In my skinny jeans, trench coat and high boots, I looked like the Westchester version of Jane Goodall trekking into the forest to study monkeys.  As I entered this gleaming icon of conspicuous consumption, salespeople swarmed around me like lemmings.  This occurred not because of my fabulous appearance, and I don't give off an "I have cash" smell.  I stood still and studied my environment.  No customers.  And my beloved Neiman Marcus was running an up-to-65%-off sale. 

     How could this be?  Has it really gotten this bad?  Using all my coping strategies, I pulled myself together.

     I tore off to the shoe department, took a sandal on display in my size and asked a saleswoman for its mate. Although there were no customers, I felt the need to run around and be grabby as if I were in competition with others for the marked down merchandise.  I needed the experience to be like old times.

     Happily, the Clergerie sandals, a requirement in the dead of winter when you have no plans to travel someplace warm --originally over $400 and now marked down to $150 -- fit well and looked fabulous.  I presented the saleswoman with my Neiman Marcus credit card and announced, "I'll take 'em."  I no longer cared about the state of the economy, peace on earth or what I was having for dinner.  The sandals gave me a shopper's high, and the saleswoman joined me in the euphoria.  Hallelujah.

      I took the escalator to the third floor, the location of the most expensive designers, and the setting for an anecdote involving my man of my nightmares dear husband, Edward.  Several winters ago, when Neiman's was having a similar sale, I suggested that Edward buy me a coat for the holidays.  Not wanting to take all the fun out of his buying a gift, I tried a slightly veiled approach.  First, I mentioned that I had found a really fabulous coat for a great price at Neiman's.  Nothing.  Then, a few days later, I added that it would make a great gift.  Nothing.  Then, a day later, I added that a saleswoman named Gloria was holding the coat until such and such a day, if someone wanted to buy it for me.  Nothing.  Finally, feeling angry and frustrated, I flat out asked Edward why he refused to buy the coat for me.  His response?  "I had no idea you wanted me to."

     The story ends happily, though.  By the time Edward got over there to buy it, the coat had been marked down even further.