Edward Chooses the Wrong Spigot, or What Else is New

     Last night, Edward, the wrench in my works husband, and I saw the Rangers lose to Ottawa at Madison Square Garden.
     Our greatest concern was sneaking our wrap sandwiches into the arena as bringing food and drink is not allowed. Where to hide them was the question.  I considered putting one down my pants, and if security asked about it, stating that I am an effeminate looking man ... except for one thing.  But, I just didn't have the the guts to pull it off.  So I hid one in the bottom of my pocketbook and one in my coat pocket and prayed that the gingerbread man in my cosmetic case would stay well hidden.
     I steered Edward to the security guy who had confiscated nothing rather than going to the guy who had a table full of stuff, and as the first guy gave a perfunctory glance through my bag, I looked back at Edward who had a look on his face that said, "I have food, drugs, explosives, and I am a wanted criminal." Somehow we and the food made it inside.
     And then I made my first mistake.  I asked Edward if, when he went to the concession stand to buy us water, he would put mustard on my sandwich, using one of the large condiment spigots.  I didn't think I needed to inform him that red indicated ketchup and yellow indicated mustard, and well, you know the rest.
     Before Edward returned and we had an argument about why he couldn't tell the difference between the two spigots, I started conversing with the guy sitting to my left.  I thought we were having a lovely talk until I paused between sentences and he said in a thick Slavic accent, "I don't speak English."
     Thankfully, the game started, and Edward immediately spilled his $5 water on the guy in front of him.